tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-81420547918793297172024-03-19T09:40:39.528-07:00Verbal First Aid in ChinaJudith Simon Prager, PhDhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02216421597181056005noreply@blogger.comBlogger14125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8142054791879329717.post-4243297228441604452008-07-10T21:23:00.000-07:002008-12-08T14:52:19.427-08:00<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjSr7RmgOJkEqHwVpD5g1bMeVpyDRqfKyE301SmtbAddl4lPIlHkCjoqoQI7EdG4knZp172IrUjzYwAUnzFVUmgu3DHAstYotuDKKEeheCY9WXKCHZIdyyJTUgLAkuUzdGldFHZ4mjBGyw/s1600-h/at+conference.jpg"><img style="margin: 0pt 10px 10px 0pt; float: left; cursor: pointer;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjSr7RmgOJkEqHwVpD5g1bMeVpyDRqfKyE301SmtbAddl4lPIlHkCjoqoQI7EdG4knZp172IrUjzYwAUnzFVUmgu3DHAstYotuDKKEeheCY9WXKCHZIdyyJTUgLAkuUzdGldFHZ4mjBGyw/s320/at+conference.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5221607598956546578" border="0" /></a>Judith Simon Prager, PhDhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02216421597181056005noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8142054791879329717.post-31454273826129461622008-07-10T21:20:00.000-07:002008-12-08T14:52:19.555-08:00<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhRjOlmvmngoMdAomUu7wiQJDURr0t87KywBZzV6Jn-Pioex25ORX2qjJa1XirTZjURZ8wOs4eSZxHFdF2Cpxq-OjXLSHC8s2ySF3y2R65XC89-biE9kq_lwdf48TRxIXj1Ii3NkXyjAWA/s1600-h/outside+university+with+sponsors,+govt+officials+and+shen+ping.jpg"><img style="margin: 0pt 10px 10px 0pt; float: left; cursor: pointer;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhRjOlmvmngoMdAomUu7wiQJDURr0t87KywBZzV6Jn-Pioex25ORX2qjJa1XirTZjURZ8wOs4eSZxHFdF2Cpxq-OjXLSHC8s2ySF3y2R65XC89-biE9kq_lwdf48TRxIXj1Ii3NkXyjAWA/s320/outside+university+with+sponsors,+govt+officials+and+shen+ping.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5221606659147242898" border="0" /></a>Judith Simon Prager, PhDhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02216421597181056005noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8142054791879329717.post-75983337764798964992008-07-10T21:15:00.000-07:002008-12-08T14:52:19.712-08:00<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEij7QuO-2PFRCj0JEgFWvdW1ZBMy27HjBtUpexdoH1hNIXjkJDQbPkWGd2cRSicUuuYmxUCZQvuCRxaK97ySJOo6-df3ytyU35ktOUP22udzs0i3EwRgC29MYKrQS6bxrEJIooWajcMsh8/s1600-h/Helena+translating.jpg"><img style="margin: 0pt 10px 10px 0pt; float: left; cursor: pointer;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEij7QuO-2PFRCj0JEgFWvdW1ZBMy27HjBtUpexdoH1hNIXjkJDQbPkWGd2cRSicUuuYmxUCZQvuCRxaK97ySJOo6-df3ytyU35ktOUP22udzs0i3EwRgC29MYKrQS6bxrEJIooWajcMsh8/s320/Helena+translating.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5221605896347753714" border="0" /></a>Judith Simon Prager, PhDhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02216421597181056005noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8142054791879329717.post-17385803829828978752008-07-10T00:22:00.000-07:002008-07-10T06:35:12.023-07:00Last Day This Trip<p style="font-family: trebuchet ms;" class="MsoNormal"><o:p></o:p>Yesterday’s meeting with the government officials is still on my mind.<span style=""> </span>The officials are concerned that everything must follow government guidelines.<span style=""> </span>Well, this is the city, <st1:city st="on"><st1:place st="on">Beijing</st1:place></st1:city>, and the country that will momentarily (within three weeks) be the focus of the world.<span style=""> </span>The Olympics are coming, the bird’s nest stadium is right near our hotel, and everywhere there are signs that remind the public to clean up for the games and take pride.<span style=""> </span></p> <p style="font-family: trebuchet ms;" class="MsoNormal">The television host whom I mentioned yesterday as the public official who is using her celebrity status to support our earthquake relief project is named Shen Bing, known as the “face of China Central Television (CCTV) programs.<span style=""> " </span>She will emcee the Olympic games, because she can do it all: sports, finance, current affairs.<span style=""> </span>Versatile, intelligent, graceful, she has won many awards including "Best TV Host for News Commentary and Business" in 2005. She was also honored as one of the Top 10 Most Influential Media Figures of the Year (2002) and Glamour 50 of the Year (2005). </p> <p style="font-family: trebuchet ms;" class="MsoNormal">But more than that, she is a philanthropist, donating much money to schools, libraries, and funds for needy children.</p> <p style="font-family: trebuchet ms;" class="MsoNormal">After I leave, I write her a thank you note for including me in this project. She answers immediately, inviting me to write her with my thoughts and ideas, asking for my continuing support, hoping to see me again, and also saying, “Your trip to <st1:country-region st="on"><st1:place st="on">China</st1:place></st1:country-region> has been of great value to the Chinese people, and I really appreciate your efforts and contribution.”<span style=""> </span>So gracious.</p> <p style="font-family: trebuchet ms;" class="MsoNormal"><o:p> </o:p></p> <p style="font-family: trebuchet ms;" class="MsoNormal">My friend Planaria is an expert in teaching English as a second language.<span style=""> </span>She says there is a theory about conversations in different cultures—I hope I’ve got this right, on the web there’s something about this from The Seabright Group—that uses sports analogies to show the styles and who gets the conversational ball, so to speak.<span style=""> </span>Some cultures are like Ping Pong, in that each person takes a turn hitting the ball when it comes his/her way. If you don’t have the ball, you have to wait until it’s your turn again. Some are like basketball, in that you have the conversational ball only as long as you can hold onto it, but someone can snap it up and then it’s their turn. And some are like soccer—you can hardly tell who’s got the ball at any given moment.<span style=""> </span>The <st1:place st="on">Middle East</st1:place> conversations are soccer.<span style=""> </span>In the <st1:country-region st="on"><st1:place st="on">U.S.</st1:place></st1:country-region>, we’re kind of basketball.<span style=""> </span>And <st1:country-region st="on"><st1:place st="on">China</st1:place></st1:country-region> is definitely ping pong.<span style=""> </span>So it involves waiting until it is your turn to speak.<span style=""> </span>The more so when you don’t know the language.</p> <p style="font-family: trebuchet ms;" class="MsoNormal">Although the group I’m with is a little rowdy-er and there’s often so much laughter you can’t tell who’s got the ball.</p> <p style="font-family: trebuchet ms;" class="MsoNormal">We go to a vegetarian restaurant after the meeting, for my sake, and everyone finds the food delicious.<span style=""> </span><st1:city st="on"><st1:place st="on">Helena</st1:place></st1:city> is certain she’s becoming a veggie, hanging out with me, and losing her taste for meat. The words for “I’m so full,” and “You are so wonderful” are almost the same, and there are apparently puns or jokes confusing the two.<span style=""> </span>Can you see where they might cross over, with a feeling of being so content.</p> <p style="font-family: trebuchet ms;" class="MsoNormal">Which reminds me that after I did my demonstration of therapy at the university the other day, a beautiful young woman whose “English name” was Lotus came up to speak with me and try her language skills.<span style=""> </span>I understood what she was saying easily, and was most moved when, in telling me how much she loved what I had done, she said, “My heart is so …com-fort-able.”<span style=""> She made it a juicy four syllables, and </span>I felt full, myself.</p> <p style="font-family: trebuchet ms;" class="MsoNormal">The last day here, Helena and I awaken early and pack.<span style=""> </span>Too much laundry.<span style=""> </span>We stop for a quick breakfast and I don’t have my beloved morning coffee, hoping to be able to sleep on the plane.<span style=""> </span>We say our good byes to the sweet Mr. Wei who gets us to the airport early, we check in and soon we’re on the 11-plus hour flight, which is cold and unpleasant enough to help me understand why the other Americans who left early all upgraded.<span style=""> </span><st1:city st="on"><st1:place st="on">Helena</st1:place></st1:city> sleeps about three hours all together, I sleep about two.<br /></p><p style="font-family: trebuchet ms;" class="MsoNormal"><br />We part in <st1:city st="on"><st1:place st="on">San Francisco</st1:place></st1:city>—it has been so amenable and productive, we’re all hugs and plans.<span style=""> </span>Which reminds me that she’s off to <st1:place st="on"><st1:city st="on">Seattle</st1:city></st1:place> to see her daughter, who is there, and who has said to her ,“Mommy, I think I’m going to have to limit the number of kisses you can give me.”<span style=""> </span>What did she decide the maximum number would be?<span style=""> </span>“Twenty thousand.”</p> <p style="font-family: trebuchet ms;" class="MsoNormal">By the time Harry picks me up at the airport, his big warm hug is like a soft, favorite bed. We go home, catch a nap, and then head for UCLA where we teach our writing course from 7-10.<span style=""> </span>Then home at 11 PM, I take a melatonin and am in bed by midnight.<span style=""> </span>When I awaken at 9 AM, I’m back on <st1:city st="on"><st1:place st="on">Los Angeles</st1:place></st1:city> time.<span style=""> </span></p> <p style="font-family: trebuchet ms;" class="MsoNormal"><o:p> </o:p></p> <p style="font-family: trebuchet ms;" class="MsoNormal">As always happens, once I’m back on familiar turf, doing what I always do, it’s as if I dreamed the whole trip.<span style=""> </span>I’m grateful for this blog, so that I could preserve the memories and highlights and receive all your gorgeous feedback, support, and love.</p> <p style="font-family: trebuchet ms;" class="MsoNormal">Thank you.<span style=""> </span>I am so full. You are so wonderful. Twenty thousand kisses. </p> <p style="font-family: trebuchet ms;" class="MsoNormal"><o:p> </o:p></p> <p style="font-family: trebuchet ms;" class="MsoNormal"><o:p> </o:p></p> <p style="font-family: trebuchet ms;" class="MsoNormal"><o:p> </o:p></p> <p style="font-family: trebuchet ms;" class="MsoNormal"><o:p> </o:p></p>Judith Simon Prager, PhDhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02216421597181056005noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8142054791879329717.post-50855388371993591772008-07-07T09:20:00.000-07:002008-07-10T00:22:02.967-07:00Day Nine<span style="font-family:trebuchet ms;">This is another of our “official” days, really official in the China that most of us imagine. A senior government official and his assistants meet with our delegation, which is led by a very striking, extremely intelligent national television personality. She's one of the official announcers for the Olympics, on the popular level of, shall we say, a Katie Couric -- but brilliant, and socially active. She has led the way for the development of help for the earthquake area. We’d met and spent some time together last week, and I’m honored that she likes me a lot. She has insisted that "Judiss," which is my Chinese name, and the one everyone calls me, be at this meeting.<br /><br />We sit around a very large round table. Tea is poured quietly and constantly. There are ministers from the Education Department, the Health Department, their version of the Red Cross. Many people. There is much changing around of seats before the high government official enters.<br /><br />The television anchor, Shen Bing, is so elegant and impresive in her grasp of what we're offering. She has the book I co-authored with Judith Acosta and apparently has read it.<br />She is so charming and I am so, well, blonde that there is an air of all of this being less solemn than one might expect. She says we are focusing on the children because they are the future, that they have a 3 or 5 year plan and that they want to do everything according to scientific rules (not my favorite part, but so far I'm still under the radar!). She says that with Verbal First Aid, you can help people emotional not only in a doctor's office but in the schools and out in the world and that's why it's important.<br /><br />The official is not only in agreement with the plan, but has set everything in motion already, so it looks as though it's a go. I’m not sure what that means, but it’s seems good. Now it's all on Helena's shoulders, and she speaks up at the end (not usually done after a minister speaks) to say that this looks like self-interest, but that is where larger things begin and that this project may ultimately help the world. He nods and smiles, shakes my hand. I say thank you in Chinese and he asks if I speak it. I say no, that's all I know and he says, then this must have been boring for you! Helena thinks he's wonderful.<br /><br />Everything here now seems to be about heart. It’s as if the earth cracked open, and then hearts opened. Shin Bing has her hand on her heart as she speaks and I'm certain that's what she's saying. They're talking about sister schools, about training teachers to be counselors, and more.<br /><br />And I will try to write more later, but everything right now is hectic. I’ll be traveling home to the U.S. very soon.<br /><br /><br /></span>Judith Simon Prager, PhDhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02216421597181056005noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8142054791879329717.post-84523211873070785662008-07-07T09:18:00.000-07:002008-07-07T09:36:59.960-07:00Day Eight<span style="font-family:trebuchet ms;">We meet with the counselors who will be going to Sichewan next week and experiment with a physical trauma-reducing program which causes people’s bodies physically to tremble as a means of relieving residual trauma that they hold in their bodies. A number of the counselors experience some relief from it, and, although we “brought them "back" too soon, they were impressed with its effects. I'd introduced it to Helena, who has spoken to the program's designer and she'll probably bring the developer of the procedure back with me to the earthquake area in the near future. Harry has suggested an improvement in it, which Helena tries and it seems to be quite effective.<br /><br />It is somewhat difficult for me to be sitting around while everyone converses in very quick and animated Chinese. I spend much time feeling somewhat like a chair in the middle of the room until one bilingual person or another remembers to fill me in on the laughter or arguments. At least things are happening. Nobody seems to be bored or disinterested!<br /><br />After a long day, we go out to a fascinating <span style="font-style: italic;">karioke </span>place for dinner. It looks like a fancy Las Vegas casino, only without the gambling. Only singing. Marble staircases, chandeliers. On the second floor there is a festive buffet and myriad rooms, like a hotel, in each of which people are singing on mikes and eating abundant Chinese food. We are there with Mr. Wei's wife and 4 year old adorable daughter, as well as some people from the office. Everyone sings and dances and eats. It is Mrs. Wei’s birthday, and we have a cake with the tiniest knife for cutting it and an even tinier fork for eating it. The baby falls asleep and all of us can only dream of doing the same.<br /><br /></span>Judith Simon Prager, PhDhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02216421597181056005noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8142054791879329717.post-79284489691181648682008-07-05T21:00:00.000-07:002008-07-07T09:30:51.010-07:00Day Seven - A culmination<p style="font-family: trebuchet ms;font-family:trebuchet ms;" class="MsoNormal">Today is the culmination of all the planning and work so far.<span style=""> </span>More than 100 call center and crisis counselors meet at the <st1:place st="on"><st1:placename st="on">Chemistry</st1:placename> <st1:placename st="on">Industry</st1:placename> <st1:placetype st="on">University</st1:placetype></st1:place> where we’d held our conference last week.<span style=""> </span>In the morning <st1:city st="on"><st1:place st="on">Helena</st1:place></st1:city> speaks about assessment for potential suicides.<span style=""> </span>That is, as I said, a big issue here, especially after so many people have lost their only children and other loved ones in an instant.</p> <p style="font-family: trebuchet ms;" face="trebuchet ms" class="MsoNormal"><o:p></o:p>We have a fancy lunch—the food has been so interesting all along, candied lotus root, bread textured differently than in the West, many colorful and delicious vegetables.</p> <p style="font-family: trebuchet ms;" class="MsoNormal"><o:p></o:p>And then I am on. It is time to make it happen—to beam the light and love across language barriers and cultures.<span style=""> </span>I stand up and begin talking from my heart.<span style=""> </span>I tell them that no matter how much they learn, the way they can best help is to be present and surround the hurting person with care. And listen, really listen.</p> <p style="font-family: trebuchet ms;" class="MsoNormal"><span style=""></span>There is no way, as therapists, that they can bring back a lost family member, but we can bring our clients back to themselves when all feels lost.<span style=""> </span>I tell them that we are talking to the person’s frightened inner child.<span style=""> </span>That they are not in present time, but wandering somewhere where they can find no safety, where nothing makes sense.<span style=""> </span>I bring up several Verbal First Aid techniques, from reminding them of their resources and strengths to taking care of others, to simply pacing, which means matching the patient’s tone and attitude, not trying to solve anything or cheer them up.<span style=""> </span></p> <p style="font-family: trebuchet ms;" class="MsoNormal"><o:p></o:p>I have them find in their body where they hold their own sadness, anger, joy, so that they can see that those feelings are always there, regardless of how long ago they entered our lives. Then I teach them a Neuroliguistic program technique, some guided imagery.<span style=""> </span></p> <p style="font-family: trebuchet ms;" class="MsoNormal"><o:p></o:p>And I do it all not from my head, but from my heart.<span style=""> </span><st1:city st="on"><st1:place st="on">Helena</st1:place></st1:city> translates, and I make everyone laugh when I ask why I say two sentences and she says ten.<span style=""> </span>She embellishes sometimes to help them understand across cultures.<span style=""> </span></p> <p style="font-family: trebuchet ms;" class="MsoNormal"><o:p></o:p>And then the hard part.<span style=""> </span>People come up, one at a time and pretend to be their patients, telling me stories of lost children, of grief, of not wanting to live.<span style=""> </span>Each story is different, and with each, I do therapy of a different sort. But always I listen, pace, allow them their feelings.<span style=""> </span>And as I do, they start to soften.<span style=""> </span>I sit quietly while they play with what they’ve just said, revise it, and sometimes come up with different conclusions than those they started out with.<span style=""> </span></p> <p style="font-family: trebuchet ms;" class="MsoNormal"><o:p></o:p>One beautiful woman comes on stage and sits with her back to me, saying she works by phone and can’t see her patient, so we have to work that way.<span style=""> </span>She tells me of her tragedy and I repeat what she says with sadness.<span style=""> </span>She nods, then she adds another thought, I repeat it, hear her and understand. I don’t try to solve it or make her feel better. I ask her to tell me about her daughter.<span style=""> </span>She weeps. I explain to the audience that some people might be afraid to bring up the memory because it brings up the loss, but like an Irish wake, when we tell stories about how wonderful a person was, it is another way of grieving, which is the process she is in right now, and it allows her to connect with her daughter in a warm way.<span style=""> </span>She tells me how her daughter loves to dance and sing. <st1:city st="on"><st1:place st="on">Helena</st1:place></st1:city> explains to me that Chinese words don’t have tense, so I don’t know if she is saying it in the present tense.<span style=""> </span>Finally I say, “you know, you have to be here to hold her in your heart.<span style=""> </span>Her memory lives with you.”<span style=""> </span>I have been explaining my method to the audience and now I turn to them and say that I wanted to give her a reason to live, not for herself but for her daughter.</p> <p style="font-family: trebuchet ms;" class="MsoNormal"><o:p></o:p>We work until she says she feels different, and leaves the stage.<span style=""> </span>Then, within moments, she wants to come up again. She says that she has worked with clients for a long time and never felt this feeling in her heart before.<span style=""> </span>She says many beautiful things, which <st1:city st="on"><st1:place st="on">Helena</st1:place></st1:city> leans over and whispers to me, and I know that they understand. This is the light, I can see it as sparks in everyone’s hearts.</p> <p style="font-family: trebuchet ms;" class="MsoNormal"><o:p></o:p>This goes on over quite a few cases and finally we are done.<span style=""> </span>The room explodes with love and joy.<span style=""> </span>It is amazing and wonderful.</p> <p style="font-family: trebuchet ms;" class="MsoNormal"><o:p></o:p>We go back to the hotel, have a very light dinner and go to bed.<span style=""> </span>Suddenly I discover I have a bladder infection that keeps me awake and distressed into the night.<span style=""> </span>I call my healer at home, the wonderful Melissa, half a world away, and she saves me over the phone, as she has many times before with her beautiful healings.<span style=""> </span>Whatever would I have done without her here? </p> <p style="font-family: trebuchet ms;" class="MsoNormal"><o:p></o:p>Life is many miracles in the midst of strife.</p> <p style="font-family: trebuchet ms;" class="MsoNormal"><o:p></o:p>I fall asleep.</p> <p style="font-family: trebuchet ms;" class="MsoNormal"><o:p></o:p>It has been a magical day.</p>Judith Simon Prager, PhDhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02216421597181056005noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8142054791879329717.post-82873397174401385042008-07-04T15:05:00.001-07:002008-07-07T09:31:14.260-07:00Day Six<span style="font-family:trebuchet ms;">This is the end of the tourist part of our journey. Mr. Wei drives us to the Great Wall in the morning. It is overwhelming in scope and accomplishment. And it is quite vertical as it follows the mountains, so that one must hold onto bars to navigate it. Up is very up, and down is no easier: it’s just very down.<br /><br />The amount of work that must have gone into assembling this Wall, hauling the stones of which it consists, over a period of 100 years more than 1,000 years ago, is incredible. It is very hot and humid, but the crowd on the wall seems not to notice. Little babies are nursed as they’re being carried.<br /><br />After lunch, we go to the crisis center. There is a map of China on the wall, and if you look at it out of the corner of your eye, it kind of resembles the U.S. without most of California. About 12 call takers, Helena and Mr. Wei, and Tom and Becky and Susan from ICSI (International Critical Stress Incident Foundation) and I are there. We talk about how to handle suicide calls among other things. There is one of the highest suicide rates in the world here, especially among women in rural areas, who jump from buildings or take pesticides and complete the act more often than men, which makes this a unique situation. They have about 287,000 suicides annually. Nobody knows what this year will bring.<br /><br />The Foundation people have some possible approaches, but they want to organize their thoughts before offering trainings, and they are leaving tomorrow. Helena and the president of the psychological organization are going to Tennessee in the middle of the month and will be able to engage in that discussion then. Only Helena and Mr. Wei can speak both languages, so everything takes twice as long as it would otherwise have to, as it’s expressed dramatically in Chinese first and then in English or vise versa. Often something is said that causes the whole room except for the American component to laugh. At least there is occasional laughter among them.<br /><br />They have put out some food, wrapped candies, little tomatoes. Bottles of water. We talk for several hours and then go to dinner with government officials, the ones who had to approve our visit. It is fortunate for our project that the official we work with is nice and understands what we are trying to do. We eat at a very famous and beautiful duck restaurant. As with the shopping, I am out of my element. And then back to the hotel.<br /><br />I have brought Helena a protocol developed by another person that has the potential to move trauma out of the body without words. It involves motion, a series of physical exercises. This has the potential of working on millions at once over TV or computer, within a matter of minutes. She is excited by this.<br /><br />I do believe that what we are doing here is creating a much-needed model for emotional health during and after catastrophes, and that China will be able to offer this program to the world. It can be developed from scratch, built to utilize all aspects of trauma prevention, reduction, and release, and tested on hundreds of thousands of people so that what really works will be what lasts and becomes the protocol. It is exhilarating to be a part of it all.<br /><br />The other Americans in our group of “experts” leave tomorrow. Then it will be just me, to continue working with the Chinese. I’ll be training hundreds of crisis call takers on Saturday and on Sunday, I will be working with the counselors going to Sichuan, the earthquake area.<br /><br /></span>Judith Simon Prager, PhDhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02216421597181056005noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8142054791879329717.post-52039626551810079792008-07-04T15:02:00.000-07:002008-07-07T09:27:05.826-07:00Day Five<span style="font-family:trebuchet ms;">This is apparently our day off. We have breakfast and are driven by Mr. Wei, who is wise and wonderful, to the Forbidden City. It takes your breath away. It is horizontally tiered—that is you walk through one building and court yard after another to actually arrive at the emperor’s house. The recorded guided tour we wear in our ears tells us that the last little emperor-designate, who was three years old, was very upset about a ceremony that involved him. He cried and made something of a fuss. His father, to calm him, said to him: “It’s done. It’s over now.” And that was taken as a curse, which ended all the dynasties, after which Sun Yat Sen led the change from the ancient feudal system. Now THAT’s the power of words. <br /><br />The garden that is filled with twisted trees is so mystical, it’s no wonder emperors went there to write their poetry. The fall of the petals of so many flowers, looking like brightly colored snow, often inspired them. The names of the various palaces and gardens are of the inscrutable variety, inspired and twisted too. My favorite might have been The Mountain of Accumulated Refinement. Once a year the Emperor and Empress would climb that rocky hill and view their domain from that powerful perspective.<br /><br />We have been told again that, as experts, we are very special. Only experts can stay at the Foreign Expert Hotel (one presumes they have to be foreign, as well), and they have to qualify with the government at a very high level.<br /><br />In the afternoon we “shop” -- a concept that has always been somewhat foreign to me. Here it is all about negotiation, haggling, bargaining. The only things that are non-negotiable are Olympic items. Otherwise, if they quote you a price of 80 RMB, you say 20. Actually, we don’t. Mr. Wei and Tina do. They say, in shocked and “offended” Chinese “What? You want to charge these experts who came here to help you that much for THAT?” And pretty soon, we’re paying 1/5 of what they originally asked. I suppose the merchants feel there’s no harm in asking. And after each encounter that looks so dramatic and confrontational to us—imagine trying that at Macy’s—everyone smiles and the deed is done.<br /><br />As the day goes by, I can’t help thinking about all that still needs to be done. I’ve been searching my brain for ways to assist the emotional recoveries of the school principals and teachers in the earthquake region. They are in shock and trauma from losing so many of their students. The main tool I use in situations like this is the Emotional Freedom Technique that involves a client literally tapping on acupuncture points while repeating the very thing that is most upsetting. It has worked for clients of mine who have experienced the most dire of conditions: one who was incarcerated in an Iranian prison for months, one who accidentally killed a woman while driving, one who helplessly watched her daughter’s boyfriend commit suicide with a gun, among many more. The hard part is often finding the exact feeling, or series of feelings, wrapped around the trauma, and then peeling it back until it disappears. The final step is to fill the emptied space with what was and will be good.<br /><br />I’m also considering Verbal First Aid techniques that can help to restore the lost part of the person, the part of the soul that “left” (in the parlance of the shaman) when things got too rough. In many traditions, the shaman goes through the veil to retrieve the piece of soul. I am not capable of that, but I have had clients reclaim it themselves when they return in their mind to the time it slipped out. Under my guidance, they grab it to put it back.<br /><br />But the challenge here, the sheer volume of the problem, is daunting.<br /><br /></span>Judith Simon Prager, PhDhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02216421597181056005noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8142054791879329717.post-23991128098910001272008-07-01T23:07:00.000-07:002008-07-07T09:28:42.477-07:00Day Four<span style="font-family:trebuchet ms;">I speak last at this conference and have so many slides (doubled when translated consecutively into Chinese) and less than 2 hours to fit everything into. And our dutiful audience is tired, bullet-pointed out. I have been sent with the light of love, if I can believe Harry and Janis. So I am going to talk heart to heart and hope that I am guided by the divine to be helpful and illuminating.</span><br /><br /><span style="font-family:trebuchet ms;">My Chinese translator, Paul, lived in Burbank for years and is very fluent in English and psychology. He gets it, which means he’ll help me translate not just words but ideas for deeper understanding. We arrive early in the morning and are surrounded by people who ask to have their pictures taken with us and for our autographs. </span><br /><br /><span style="font-family:trebuchet ms;">At breaks, people come up to talk to speakers. Because I haven’t spoken yet, there is no feedback but I believe, mostly because of Helena’s good p.r. that the sponsors expect that my part is relatively important. A journalist from the Beijing Daily Mail wants to chat. I tell her what I’m going to talk about and she says, well in that case she’ll stay til the end. Which of course means to me that lots of people might be planning to leave, maybe to beat the incredible Beijing rush hour.</span><br /><br /><span style="font-family:trebuchet ms;">Helena is sitting in the front. She’s mc for the afternoon, but she’s falling asleep. I know why. So do you.</span><br /><br /><span style="font-family:trebuchet ms;">Finally I speak and it is very well received. At the end, Paul and I do trance work and give everyone a five minute guided imagery voyage to wellbeing. I am rushed by people who want to take their photographs with me.</span><br /><br /><span style="font-family:trebuchet ms;">And then we’re taken to a noodle place for dinner where we meet some school principals who are earthquake survivors. We go to Psychcn.com, and meet around a conference table until 10 talking about how to help them. My brain is numb and even though I know I must have a thought about their stresses, I can barely hold my head erect.</span><br /><span style="font-family:trebuchet ms;">It is now midnight, Helena’s finally asleep.<br /><br />Tomorrow, at last, is respite day, before the real work begins. I’ll be able to collect my thoughts, and I’ll be taken sightseeing, to the Forbidden City and the Great Wall.</span>Judith Simon Prager, PhDhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02216421597181056005noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8142054791879329717.post-51630157925952518272008-07-01T23:04:00.000-07:002008-07-07T09:28:16.403-07:00Day Three<span style="font-family:trebuchet ms;">We are at the International Symposium of Crisis Intervention in Beijing. The CEO of Centerstone, the largest provider of community-based behavioral healthcare in the US, David Guth, and the President of International Critical Incident Stress Foundation, Tom McSherry, speak through the morning and take questions. Helena pops up every once in a while to clarify in Chinese, which of course has nothing to do with clarity for us non-natives.<br /><br />At lunch, Anthony Kuhn, Beijing correspondent for National Public Radio comes to interview me. He waits patiently as we have our photos taken behind the statue of Chairman Mao (who is not in the picture) and then interviews me and also speaks with David and Helena. He is charming and asks good questions and takes the time for the answers. I don’t know when the show will air.<br /><br />I ask Helena about Chairman Mao when I see his statue in front of the university. She says he was an honorable leader. That he lived modestly and was devoted to the people’s well being. He was frustrated that, with good will and hard work, it didn’t turn out the way he expected and wanted. They think kindly of him, she said. However, when I ask someone else, he says Mao died in 1976, that he’s largely irrelevant, and no one but the older, poorer people miss him.<br /><br />The afternoon consists of Tom again and Becky Stoll, from Centerstone, who speaks on suicide. It is long, as each sentence must be translated, but the time that the jokes should have gotten a laugh is saved, because they sometimes fall flat, although the audience is with us and appreciative and intent on learning.<br /><br />I am a compulsive “God bless you” sayer at the slightest hint of a sneeze. Harry used to say that if we were hiding from the enemy and one of them sneezed, I’d pipe up and give us all away. When I ask how you say “God bless you” to a sneeze in Chinese, I am told that they don’t really acknowledge it. One might say, solicitously, “Oh, you’re getting a cold,” but no one wishes another health or whatever the blessing is. I’d heard that everything in your body stops when you sneeze and that’s why we bless people, that they may return to themselves again. But clearly that’s not a universal philosophy.<br /><br />Photographers are everywhere, some on duty, most just members of the audience, snapping obtrusively. The photos of last night’s dinner with the bigwigs is on the screen as a placeholder. It’s a little like a hall of mirrors. Everyone takes pictures of everyone else doing everything. It’s a little like real life once removed. And we are treated like celebs.<br /><br />I am listening to the strategies and goals of the CISM process and wondering where my presentation fits in. Light. I must remember it’s really only light I bring to offer.<br /><br />We go to a Mongolian Muslim restaurant where there is abundant delicious food<br /><br />There is abundant food, some non-meat alternatives for some of us, and our hosts are considerate, warm and wonderful, laughing at our attempts to speak Chinese.<br /><br />I go back to the room which I share with Helena easily. She wears my silver earrings because she has come not from her home in Shanghai, but from Seattle, where she was on vacation with her daughter until the earthquake shook everything up and she had to arrange to get all of us back to Beijing for this conference. I wear her perfume.<br /><br />She tiptoes back into the room late, after meeting conference administrators to plan the next activities. Then she wakes up at four. I am aware of all this and hardly sleep, myself.<br /><br /><br /></span>Judith Simon Prager, PhDhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02216421597181056005noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8142054791879329717.post-14684817033010988892008-06-29T15:50:00.000-07:002008-07-07T09:29:08.030-07:00Day Two - Cermonies and Food<span style="font-family:trebuchet ms;">We are staying in a hotel called The Foreign Experts Hotel. Today is a very formal day – meetings with government and medical officials that are choreographed and very ceremonial. Our title, EXPERTS, is very high in this society. There are photographs on the wall, next to the VIP dining room, of Chairman Mao greeting foreign “experts.” For this meeting there is a printed agenda, which reads:</span><br /><br /><span style="font-style: italic;font-family:trebuchet ms;" >5:20 Chinese hosts are received into the meeting room. </span><br /><span style="font-style: italic;font-family:trebuchet ms;" >5:30 Foreign guests are received into the meeting room.</span><br /><span style="font-style: italic;font-family:trebuchet ms;" >5:40 Both parties sit down, the meeting begins</span><br /><span style="font-style: italic;font-family:trebuchet ms;" >5:40- 5:45 Deputy General Director [name removed here] invites President McSherry to introduce the foreign experts.</span><br /><span style="font-style: italic;font-family:trebuchet ms;" >5:45-5:50 President McSherry introduces foreign experts</span><br /><span style="font-style: italic;font-family:trebuchet ms;" >5:50 The Deputy General Director introduces[ their government organizations]</span><br /><span style="font-style: italic;font-family:trebuchet ms;" >And so on until.</span><br /><span style="font-style: italic;font-family:trebuchet ms;" >6:10 Gifts handing over to foreign guests</span><br /><span style="font-style: italic;font-family:trebuchet ms;" >6:30 -6:40 take photos</span><br /><span style="font-style: italic;font-family:trebuchet ms;" >6:40-8 banquet. End of meeting</span><br /><br /><span style="font-family:trebuchet ms;">We sit in large arm chairs around a big room, each chair next to a little table with our name plates in English and Chinese (I am pleased to see how my name looked in the host language) and hot tea ceremoniall poured by pretty young people. No one drinks the tea. It is only for the ceremony of serving it. There are American and Chinese flags by the hosts.</span><br /><br /><span style="font-family:trebuchet ms;">The dinner consists of nine courses. Each is delicious. I will write the menu, but I am given vegetables at each of the meat, chicken, and, fish courses, as is vegetarian Tom McSherry. Very considerate. </span><br /><br /><span style="font-family:trebuchet ms;">Menu, in English and Chinese:<br /><br /></span><span style="font-style: italic;font-family:trebuchet ms;" >Cold Dish, Pumpkin With Ling fish soup, Braised Abalone and shrimp with oyster sauce, Stir Fried Fish with sauce, Beefsteak, Braised Duck with Bamboo Shoots, Stir-fried vegetables, Desert and fruit, Hoptoad’s ovaty [sic] and tomato.</span><br /><span style="font-family:trebuchet ms;"> </span><br /><span style="font-family:trebuchet ms;">I don’t even want to guess what the last one is, but it does have frog’s something in it. I just am served the tomato. It is sweetened, diced and iced and very refreshing. There is so much food, we are all logy and go immediately to bed, which means, of course that we wake up at 4am. Helena, my doctor-sponsor, arrived mid-day and is sharing my room. When we awaken, we talk and talk. .</span><br /><br /><span style="font-family:trebuchet ms;">Everyone here has been very gracious. They are desirous to create programs that are the most efficient and useful they can be. Because we have a clean slate to work with, (psychological services have heretofore been sparse in this culture), they can design something that is not patchwork. This is, in a way, refreshing -- distinctly different from places in which rescue and trauma relief projects proliferate and, Topsy-like, multiply The government has the ability to approve programs, but it doesn’t execute them, and so Dr. Helena Guo has been advising the largest psychological institute here about what programs to include and how to integrate them. She believes in Verbal First Aid and has arranged to keep me over, after the presentations, so that I can meet with and work with front-line crisis call centers.</span><br /><br /><span style="font-family:trebuchet ms;">The skies are heavy. So much rain here. It is the rains that caused the flooding after the earthquakes that dislocated millions. Weather is big news across the world, just as the global warming experts warned and Rush Limbaugh pooh-poohed.<br /><br />There's a good chance of international media coverage for these events. I'll keep you posted. "Posted" - this far away from my home turf and I still can't keep away from puns!<br /></span>Judith Simon Prager, PhDhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02216421597181056005noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8142054791879329717.post-91082146662426067082008-06-28T21:40:00.000-07:002008-06-28T21:42:27.460-07:00Day One of my Trip to China<span style="font-family: trebuchet ms;">The Flight to San Francisco</span><br /><br /><span style="font-family: trebuchet ms;">I have to fly from Los Angeles to San Francisco to meet my United Air Lines flight to Beijing. The day before my trip, United lays off 900 pilots. As he takes me to the airport, Harry jokes that as part of the new austerity, there will only be one pilot to fly the plane to China, instead of the normal crew, so the passengers will have to sing their way across, to keep the pilot awake! I am only mildly amused.</span><br /><br /><span style="font-family: trebuchet ms;">I am a vegan, a vegetarian when necessary, and these two facts collide as I stand in the check in line for my flight. I travel quite a bit, but somehow didn’t realize that my jar of peanut butter will be confiscated. As the airport security guard tosses it into a mounting bin of shaving cream canisters and large tooth paste tubes, I say, “I’m a vegan. There’s nothing on the plane for me to eat!” She shrugs, “I don’t think that United has food for anyone, anymore.”</span><br /><br /><span style="font-family: trebuchet ms;">Stripped of shoes, jacket, earrings -- waiting to board the plane, I wonder why we are still using this bulky, seemingly antiquated means of travel. The thought that comes to mind is where is Captain Kirk when you need him?</span><br /><br /><span style="font-family: trebuchet ms;">We board and, having anticipated that the airline might lose my luggage, I have packed all my necessities for a trip to the other side of the world into a carry on bag that weighs more than one of the small elephants on the Nature channel we will soon be watching. I can’t seem to lift it to place it in the overhead, when a Chinese man takes it from me and accomplishes the task. I say, “Thank you,” and sit down, now searching my purse for the seven Chinese phrases I should have memorized for just such an occasion.</span><br /><br /><span style="font-family: trebuchet ms;">The woman across the aisle is reading a best-selling book about a dying man’s Last Lecture. There is a photograph on the page to which the book is open. It is of Captain Kirk.</span><br /><br /><span style="font-family: trebuchet ms;">Shay Sheh means thank you. Shay Sheh. </span><br /><br /><span style="font-family: trebuchet ms;">My spiritual teacher, Janis Taylor, who was told not to take her final Buddhist priestly vows but to remain out in the world, has told me my mission is to bring “my light” to China, even more than information. My friend and healer, Melissa, concurs. I hope so, as the irony becomes more apparent high in the air as we skirt the California coast. In a literal, three-dimensional sense, my challenge seems nearly impossible. I am invited to teach the power of words and images—language—for healing in emergencies like earthquakes, to people whose language I don’t speak. Subtlety is crucial in my field of crisis expertise: Verbal First Aid. The difference in English between the negative-tinged “don’t be afraid,” and the positive “you can feel safe” is pivotal. I’ll never even know if my message makes sense and if so, whether it’s accomplished.</span><br /><br /><span style="font-family: trebuchet ms;">I miss Harry so much. He thinks he misses me more because there is a void in our home where I used to be, but I want my best friend with me to charge my “light” with his warm love, or even just hold my hand in his big, earthy one.</span><br /><br /><span style="font-family: trebuchet ms;">Learning phrases of a language is a very tricky business. By asking “how much,” in Chinese, you might momentarily convince a sales person that you actually want an answer in Chinese. But this will only result in you making a bigger fool of yourself than if you’d just tipped your hand in the beginning. And yet there is something honoring, something that also endears you to people who find you amusing for trying.</span><br /><br /><span style="font-family: trebuchet ms;">I sit next to a young Chinese woman who turns out to be a tour guide for the “maiden voyage”—that’s what it says on her flag with which she leads the 19 people in her charge—of a tour through Washington, DC, New York, Las Vegas, Los Angeles, and next, San Francisco. We chat, I practice my phrases. She asks about my trip and I tell her.</span><br /><br /><span style="font-family: trebuchet ms;">As we land, I rise to reach up for my bag and the gentleman again comes to my aid. This time I say “Shay sheh.” And he smiles. Then the tour guide jumps up and announces in Chinese that I am going to China to help with the earthquake aftermath. Nineteen people applaud. They ask if I am a medical doctor. I say I train psychologists. They nod in approval. They whip out cameras. Flashes go off. Monentarily I feel like Angelina Jolie. I turn to my new friend and say, “I haven’t done anything, yet,” trying to clarify that I am unworthy of such adoration. “They appreciate you,” she says. They tell her in Chinese to give me something. It is a pin with a picture of a cat on in. It is just a token someone had given her, probably from the streets of DC. I say thank you, Shay sheh, I will keep it for luck. Then they, one by one, want their pictures taken with me. I get off the plane in a daze and find the international terminal. Now I will have to really, actually try to earn some of that appreciation.</span><br /><br /><br /><span style="font-family: trebuchet ms;">Flight to China</span><br /><span style="font-family: trebuchet ms;">Twelve hours. Three (vegan) meals. A nice companion who explains to me, when I tell her the story of the tour, that these are, indeed, maiden voyages, the Chinese government having been afraid, before now, to allow people to tour the US because they might defect. I guess with the balance of money and prosperity and freedom changing, the risk is no longer great. Not having arrived yet, I don’t know whether the US will have to worry in reverse.</span><br /><br /><span style="font-family: trebuchet ms;">She also explains that people in China by and large see physical illness as something that happens, but mental illness as your own fault—thinking badly, thinking the wrong thoughts, thinking too much—and therefore do not discuss it or seek out psychological help. Even the books, she says, that they read are practical—you learn how to make something; you learn math—never self-help, which is considered, “just talk.” </span><br /><br /><span style="font-family: trebuchet ms;">You never see handicapped people, she said. They are hidden away, out of shame. When she first came to America, she was amazed at how many handicapped people there were, until she realized that the difference is that they are among us, they are us. </span><br /><br /><span style="font-family: trebuchet ms;">She said the earthquake was so painful because of the only child rule. There is a saying that white hair should say goodbye to black hair, that you should not be burying your children. She has heard of people planning to have another child and naming it after the one who was lost. This seems almost crippling to the second one even before it enters this world. So much pain all around.</span><br /><br /><span style="font-family: trebuchet ms;">Speaking of pain, towards the end of the flight I’ve begun to have a headache that threatens to become a migraine. I remembered what our good friend Elmer Green, father of biofeedback discovered as a research scientist at Menninger. If you can imagine warming your hands, really picture them becoming hot, blood moves there from the brain and releases the headache. I try. My hands are freezing. It doesn’t work. I give up. I begin to pray, for relief, that I’ll do a good job, that I’ll be guided and helped along my way. I put my hands together over my heart. The air coming in from the vents above chills me and I pull my raincoat over me. Suddenly I notice my hands becoming hotter and hotter against each other, nearly glowing. The headache snaps. I breathe, grateful. Grateful. </span><br /><br /><span style="font-family: trebuchet ms;">The airport in Beijing is bathed in Olympic signage, their cartoon character icons alive and dancing on screens everywhere. All signs are bilingual, Chinese and English, which, it seems, is truly the universal language—thank you internet. I am picked up quickly, but learn that the doctor, Helena Guo, who has summoned me here and promised never to leave my side will not arrive for another day (she was in Seattle this week), as her plane has been grounded for mechanical difficulties. That’s nothing compared to the navigational difficulties I anticipate without her. </span><br /><br /><span style="font-family: trebuchet ms;">There are others in our party, Tom McCherry, who is President of the International Critical Incident Stress Management Foundation and Becky Stoll, who is on their board. Two others will arrive tomorrow. I fear they might perceive me as an upstart, their having been in this business for 20 years. </span><br /><br /><span style="font-family: trebuchet ms;"> And so the real work begins.</span><br /><br /><span style="font-family: trebuchet ms;">Evening of the First Day</span><br /><br /><span style="font-family: trebuchet ms;">We think we’ll be able to get some sleep, having been up some 24 hours, but we are invited to a fund raising event featuring the major television personality—a beautiful young woman—as well as movie stars and important government officials. </span><br /><br /><span style="font-family: trebuchet ms;">It is in a large auditorium in an art-centered area, with 2 hours of speeches in Chinese which we, sleepy beings that we are, wouldn’t be able to understand even if we were fully conscious. The speeches are followed by an auction that raises millions. I have to go to the bathroom and discover, in the stalls, that there is a porcelain hole in the floor [toilet-shock!] and no paper. I decide I don’t have to go to the bathroom. </span><br /><br /><span style="font-family: trebuchet ms;">The grand finale is an operatic finish. A man and a woman stand stiffly and dramatically on stage. Music and choral singing from a recording play and the couple individually fill in certain parts. His voice is high and odd to our ears. Hers higher and nasal. The formal tones of the recording and their singing along seems oddly comical to me. And it shouldn’t. Perhaps it’s the fatigue. Special effects produce light bubbles. The word “love” is spelled out in Chinese in pieces by various officials. “For love” appears in the Chinese logo in English. </span><br /><br /><span style="font-family: trebuchet ms;">It seems as though the earthquake has so shaken up this country, moved it from acquisition and “progress” -- to remembering community. In that, it is very touching and optimistic – harbinger of the new paradigm that I believe is on the way.</span><br /><br /><span style="font-family: trebuchet ms;">We finally get to our rooms for the night. We’ve discovered that the rooms are austere. As Tom McCherry says, “the difference between the bed and the floor is the sheet.” Bed-shock. None of us care. There is actually a toilet in each of the rooms. And paper. I shower, brush my teeth and, 29 hours since my day began, I proceed to lie sleepless for an hour, before slumber finally arrives.</span>Judith Simon Prager, PhDhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02216421597181056005noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8142054791879329717.post-40110949786975597142008-06-26T15:33:00.000-07:002008-06-26T15:51:32.629-07:00The night before leavingIn the breathtaking way that everything seems to be happening these days--likely to you, as well, and asking different things of us than we ever expected--I am leaving for China at the break of dawn tomorrow, June 27th, 2008.<br /><br />It is expected that I will come with Power Point Program in hand, to address an assembly of government minsters, doctors, social workers, teachers in Beijing who are looking for "best practices" in the world of critical stress incident management. Their quest, I imagine, is largely as a result of the devastating earthquakes and floods that have hit Sichuan and killed some 70,000 people, displacing an unimaginable 15 million human beings.<br /><br />I have been invited because I co-authored a book (with Judith Acosta) called <span style="font-style: italic;">The Worst Is Over: What To Say When Every Moment Counts</span>, and because we have developed a protocol called Verbal First Aid, how to speak in medical emergences and crises to change the trajectory of recovery. Dr. Helena Guo encountered the book and tracked me down, always having in her mind such a conference. Beyond that, she wants me to visit the site, train crisis counselors who must deal with distraught survivors, and more.<br /><br />So, with great expectations, and even greater hopes, I pack my bags, leave peanut butter for my loving, starving artist husband, the poet Harry Youtt, and take off. I will write as I can. Feel free to express yourself with aid, comfort, wisdom, or humor.<br /><br />Blessings,<br />JudithJudith Simon Prager, PhDhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02216421597181056005noreply@blogger.com0